Oh, today I am reluctant to type out some words that capture our life. Its been so long. There is so much. It is April, which means its hard not to think about next month, May- the month that Lewis finishes his first year of classes in Seminary and our second baby will make her grand entrance into the world. The month that in many ways symbolizes the end of the beginning here in St. Louis, as new students will start moving in and we’ll be old students. May is the month that brings unknowns to our family. May is the month we have been longing for and at the same time trying to figure out how to stop it coming.
I had some tears last night out of confusion of emotions- and there are many emotions right now. I am ready to be done being pregnant, but I think I really recognize what a gift it is to feel life ripple underneath my belly button. I am ready to fall in love with new pink fingers and toes, but with the arrival of baby girl, means the end of just me and EK. I know she will love her sister, and a sibling is the greatest gift for her, but it changes our relationship in a million ways.
Ellie Kate has been a joy and a gift and a ball of fire that sanctifies and challenges and fills us to bursting. She is curious and beautiful and social and stubborn. It is so hard to imagine what this baby will be like- and that they will be different from each other.
I am hopeful in this last month that I will laugh and play and get dirty with Ellie Kate. That I will continue to learn how to release her into the hands of The Lord, whether that means her schedule, or her eating or her safety. In every sense of the word, she has been a gift, and in these last sweet weeks, I am hopeful that chores come farther down the list of priorities, that we eat Chik Fil A more often because we were too busy playing to make dinner, that we skip bath time because the playground was too fun, that we realize its after bedtime because we are giggling at her drunken walking around her room enjoying her shuffling books and shoes from one place to another. She won’t remember this month, and we might not either, but I think I’d rather it be full of togetherness and celebration of right now than fearful wondering at the many ways our life is going to change.
In the midst of all of this, I know that love multiplies and I trust that our hearts are growing in anticipation for a sister.